Friday, March 26, 2010
Outrageously racist "satire" in college paper- Give 'em hell!
This was an article written in Capital University's (Columbus, Ohio) school newpaper. Currently only locals have complained about it (a local tipped me off to it), and their complaints were weakly addressed in an "apology" letter from the editors. It's in our hands to blow this up.
Direct all questions, complaints, concerns, "WTF"s, and "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!"s to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Here is the article:
Illegal Immigrants: The True Renewable Energy
Some politicians have tried to connect the need for jobs with the energy crisis many believe is inevitable (I’m talkin’ to you, Foul Gore). “Green Jobs” is the bastard child of this couple that failed to use contraception. Democrats rally around this idea like illegal immigrants to American jobs. Ah, but in that analogy lies the more practical solution.
By properly utilizing illegal immigrants, three national problems are solved: 1. The unemployed (a.k.a lazy Americans), 2. Finding renewable energy (Someone used too much electricity making the internet), and 3. Illegal immigrants (they took ‘er jerbs.)Let’s be honest. People are unemployed because of their own personal failings.
Don’t let the liberals feed you that “CEOs get paid millions while they lay off workers” bullshit.
These lazy people just need some motivation, like the homeless guy in “American Psycho” when Patrick Bateman says, “Get a goddamn job, Al.” Yes, he does end up stabbing him to death, but that’s not the point
The point is: I’ve got the change you can believe in –hunting. Forget shooting wolves from an Apache helicopter.
With a rifle, the unemployed can hunt the most dangerous game at the bored, thus making them employed.
Mexicans may look helpless (mostly the women), but they’re feisty little bitches. For those wondering what happens when the’re all dead- have you ever been to Mexico? They breed like germs.
Tip: When hunting, aim for the kneecaps. This ensures that escape is improbable. This kills two birds with one…bullet.
I don’t want to seem inhumane. Not all of them deserve to die. And for this, I have another solution. Now, it’s a well-known fact that Mexicans are excellent runners (how else do they get past the border patrol).
We can use this to our advantage. Similar to how water is used to turn a large wheel to produce electricity, the Mexicans can run inside a wheel to produce even more electricity.
I know what you’re thinking. “Hamsters do this for fun. These aliens don’t deserve fun.” This is true. However, as much fun as this may seem, we must tell the Mexicans that this is a hard job so they think they’re still taking jobs from Americans.
Though they can pretend they want to live the American Dream (you have to be an American to live it), we really know they want to destroy our country.
The "apology" can be seen HERE
If for any reason you are unsure why I am so upset (which if you are... how do we even know eachother?!?) just replace "Mexican" with "Jew" or "Black" or "Gay" or "Woman" or any other kind of person who deserves respect, which is EVERYONE, green card or not.
Again, the address to send questions, complaints, concerns, and "wtf"s to is : email@example.com
REPOST! REPOST! REPOST!
(here is the email I sent them:
To whom it may concern,
While I am not a student of your school, I am a resident of this country and interested in what goes on it. I am horrified by an article you recently published, as well as your official response to it. I think you'd find if in your "Illegal Immigrants: The True Renewable Energy" story the word "Mexican" had been replaced by "Jew" or "Black", you'd be facing a national uproar already. As Mexicans, like Jews (myself), Blacks (our President), Asians, Women, and all other people living in this country deserve respect (green card or not)- I whole-heartedly hope and expect you will get one soon.
That "satire" was offensive and shouldn't have been printed. There is a fine line that satire walks (as a comic writer, I am well aware of this line,) and it is up to the teacher and staff of school to make sure its student to do not cross it. You have failed to do this, and your apology was the best (and perhaps only) joke that was told.
Offended, and spreading the word,
Davin (last name)
Legal Resident of Philadelphia, PA)